The history of this country is steeped in people who have had to fight for rights – rights that they should have already had. Rights that should apply to every single citizen of this country. But they haven’t. And they still don’t.
Women fought for a right to vote. Women fought for equal rights. They fought to liberate us in an unjust society. This began back in the 1960’s and officially carried through into the 1980’s – but I would argue that it continues today. If you would like more information, I highly suggest you read The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan. A lot of women were very unhappy in the 1950’s – so much so that many took drugs, drank, and practiced other self-destructive behavior. Those women weren’t satisfied with their lives. They wanted more. They wanted options.
Now I want to share something with you that I recently saw and found incredibly disturbing.
A young woman on Twitter wrote the following tweet:
This statement doesn’t bother me at all. When I read it, I see a woman who values family. She was raised in a home with values that she likes, and she echoed that. I see a young woman who clearly practices Acts of Service as her Love Language (if you don’t know what that is, check out the 5 Languages of Love – it’s really interesting). But the people of Twitter were quick to swoop in and embarrass us all with their asinine comments. There were people who told her to kill herself. They told her that she was an embarrassment to feminism. She was a joke. She was pathetic. And these comments came from women.
Well, call me old-fashioned, but that’s not how feminism works. Feminism means that we get to have a choice. It means that if I want to have a career and no husband, that’s OK. Or I can have a husband and a career. Maybe I want kids. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I want to marry a man who will provide for us so that I don’t have to work. Maybe I don’t want to work or have kids. Maybe I want to have kids and stay at home to raise them. Maybe I want to have kids but still follow my dream in my career. Guess what? Feminism means that we can make any choice we want to when it comes to our lives! And as a woman, I find these women hateful and disturbing. Don’t you dare call yourself a feminist or a supporter or an ally of women if you tear us down just because our choices don’t align with yours. Don’t think for one moment that your negativity fuels our cause. Don’t delude yourself into believing that hate is in any way progressive.
I had a child and stayed home with him for years. Then I went back to school and got my degree. They I continued my education for awhile. Then I started my career. Then I had more babies and decided to stay home and raise them. And someday, maybe, I’ll go back to my career – if that’s what I want to do. And for now? My husband works – typically a minimum of 55 hours a week. He loves his job and he gives a lot to it. And I love my job – raising our children and running this household. And yeah, I make his plate. I cook and I clean. And I look to him to lead our family. That doesn’t make me his bitch or mean I’ve surrendered anything. Because we are a team. When he gets home from a long day, he changes diapers. He does dishes. He runs the sweeper. He folds laundry. My day doesn’t stop at 5 and neither does his. We are in this together. If he comes home and it looks like a tornado ripped through this house he laughs, pulls me in for a hug, and says, “Rough one today, huh?” Because he knows my job is hard. And I know his job is hard. So we support each other.
My marriage – a relationship going on 14 years – is a healthy, happy, strong one. I am thankful every day that I found him, and I’m happy to do things for him that make him happy and make his life a little easier – and he does the same for me. And if that bothers you – don’t do it for your husband. Don’t even have a husband. Have a single life. Have kids, have a career, or don’t. Because here’s the thing – the choices you make for your life don’t affect mine. And I’m going to keep fighting to make sure that you get to have the kind of life you want. That you get to have those choices. I will support that and raise you up. I will clap for your success and I will hope for your happiness. Anything less isn’t feminism. It’s hate. Don’t confuse the two lest you become part of the problem.